Did you see that spider try to kill me? (Creative Non-Fiction)

So I finally had that moment.  You know that moment? The one where your life flashes before you.  Yeah, that one.  Well mine finally happened on my 41st birthday of all days.  I mean really, on my birthday? Now that it did, I'm not sure how I feel about the furious, yet brief accumulation of my life summary.

Almost driving my car into a large, cliff-size ditch elicited an instant where my life passing before my eyes.  It was a rainy morning and I was heading to Corvallis, traveling north on Hwy 99.  Given I had only had three hours of sleep the previous night (thanks to my adorable, 2 year old daughter who picked last night to test her boundaries), my internal voice accompanied my drive by chanting the mantra, “Must stay awake, I need caffeine.  Must stay awake, I need caffeine.  Must stay awake, I need caffeine.”  Amazingly enough, it was not being sleep deprived that initiated this near death experience.  No, it was phobia triggering arachnid.

Before I tell you what occurred, I should explain, I HATE SPIDERS!  There are only a few things in life that I really do hate (though countless things I dislike).  Those nasty, foul things top my small list of hatred.  I am not sure when I began to dislike them, but it could have start in my childhood when my mom and her best friend use to joke about how spiders had to be communists.  Their theory was that the Russians sent the spiders on the nefarious job of creating cobwebs to keep the archetype role of the American housewife in perpetual demand. 

Most likely my arachnophobia began from a prank pulled on me.  I had my own apartment and one evening invited a group of friends over to watch the recently released hit “Arachnophobia.”  No big deal right? Wrong, when two of your male friends decide to play a grand joke on my girlfriends and I.  Little did we know, that they had smuggled a mason jar full of grasshoppers into my apartment.  Having seen the movie, they timed their escapade well.  For whatever reason, we girls played right into their scheme by placing ourselves in front of them, lying comfortable on pillows piled up on the carpet.  During the scene when hundreds of spiders flew at the screen, the jar full of grasshoppers was tossed on our backs!  Screaming and chaos ensued!  The boys of course dealt with my wrath and were forced to find ever last grasshopper that they had brought.  It was not very funny at the time, but looking back, I can’t help find the humor in most of it, if only it had not involved spiders.

Another reason the little buggers and I do not get along is that they like to bite me.  Not life threating, more annoying you may think, but alas not for me.  I have made four trips to the emergency room to deal with the blood poisoning I have developed from the spider bites.  So to say the least, I do not find them endearing or helpful in my sphere of life. 

So when this small, white jumping spider dropped on my hand, I did not give it time to wish me “salutations” as Charlotte would nor did I wait to see if it was going to sing me “Happy Birthday.”  I did what any reasonable human would do, freaked out.  I looked down and began to furiously wipe my hands down my front, making sure the vile creature was truly gone.  Even now thinking back on the situation, I am not sure what brought me out of my horror in time to avoid plummeting into the ditch at 60 mph.  But something did.  Only by the Grace and my guardian angel, am I here to recall this recent memory.  Accessing the ditch, I knew my death would have been certain.  This was not your ordinary ditch that a car would sail over at a high rate of speed to hopefully land in a very jolting bounce, there was no way I would have cleared it.  It is amazing the information that will filter through your mind from all the knowledge you have glean through your life experiences (of being a volunteer firefighter for over ten years).  One must ask the question, is this a time you want to be blissfully naïve or have full knowledge of the possible fate waiting you?

Once, I had saved myself by jerking the wheel back to the highway, I attempted to calm my rapid breath, drawing in deep, slow breathes as I gained control over my vehicle and hyper focused on the road ahead.   My heart pounded against my chest and my ears roar with the cacophony of its cadence.  Finally controlling my fast and erratic breathing, I was able to regain control over my paralyzed body, if you can call a body trembling with shudders paralyzed.

Just as my traumatic event had passed, the evil creature had the nerve to show itself again, hanging from the steering wheel.  Given how short my life flashed before me, and how important I now found life to be, I did not panic again, merely waited for it to finish its descent and then I did the merry stomp on my floorboard, dancing it to death.

I am sure you are wondering as much as I am, thus the reason for my reflecting on this poignant moment, what flashed before me.  It was the shortest brief of my life, a summary of rapid flashed of faces of those I loved and the myriad of emotions that comes from a great loss.  If that was not overwhelming enough, my mind was flooded by my greatest fear, losing my daughter.  If I died, I would not be there for her as my mother was for me, to help guide her, teach her and raise a strong, independent female that could handle herself with grace and intelligence. 

Now, I am sure most would say a prayer, thank the powers that you believe in and continue on with newly brighten day with a newly regained sense of purpose.  I did all of this but also realized I did not want to finish the open book of my life or a self-fulfilling prophecy.  I grabbed the opportunity presented to me and used it wisely.  The next several hours brought a time of self-reflection on who I am, how others perceive me and what I want to see for the final time my life flashes before me.

Defining one-self is most often done through another’s eyes, though amazing enough it is only ourselves that know the whole truth of who we are and how we came to gathered all the pieces that form our true self.  So who am I?  I am a mother, a daughter, a wife, and a friend to name the top four masks I happily don.  Have you ever been asked to define yourself on a whole?  Well here is what I would say: I am an unique enigma rolled up into a creative, chaotic ball of love, that enjoys giving of herself and strives to maintain control and logical order of her life while balancing the need for freedom with the desire to be cherished, valued and an integral piece of the lives of those I truly love.  (Breathe)

I never want to be placed in this position again; however I am thankful to have glimpsed the beginning of the outline of my life.  I am also thankful for the gift to be able to have the time to slowly finish my story and be in control of the plot.  Even given this unique birthday gift, I will never like spiders.